Sunday, June 12, 2011

Khadafy Thanks Congress For Their Aid and Comfort

Members of Congress seem to have been having an inordinate number of problems with their communications of late. From ex- Rep. Chris Lee's (R-NY) bare-chested e-stalking, to future ex-Rep. Anthony Weiner's (D-NY) Oscar Meyer tweets, Legislators have had all sorts of issues with their texting, sexting, tweeting and bleeping.

Finally, an older, wiser, more sober person of the Congressional persuasion had to step in and show everyone how it was done. Eschewing newfangled electronic social media, House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) Thursdsay demonstrated true epistolary disgrace by receiving a plain old-school snailmail love tome from none other than Moammar Khadafy.

That would be bloodthirsty psychotic dictator Colonel Moammar Khadafy to you, plebe. Khadafy sent Boehner and Congressional leaders a smoochy, smoochy missive thanking them for all the helpful, comforting hearts and kisses Boehner, Congressional Republicans, and some Democrats toiled so diligently to give him in crafting and passing through the House Boehner's recent rebuke of President Barack Obama on the Libya intervention.

Now, line me up against a bullet-pocked wall and shoot me dead, but isn't there some blindfold-and-cigarettish sort of thingee in the US Constitution about providing aid and comfort to the enemy? Like it's generally frowned upon in certain patriotic circles. Surely, all those Republican Strict-Constitutionalists wouldn't have to buy a vowel to work out those blank spaces beside Vanna.
Article III.
Section 3. Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort.
There you go. No exchanging smoochy, smoochy love packages filled with cookies and potpourri and squishy fat cushions with folks whose day job consists of firing heat-seeking missiles at your pilots and generally prosecuting death and mayhem on the good guys.

Khadafy's love tome to Congress read, in part:
"I want to express my sincere gratitude for your thoughtful discussion of the issues.... We are counting on the United States Congress to its continued investigation of military activities of NATO and its allies to confirm what we believe is a clear violation of U.N. Security Council resolution 1973."
Khadfay sounded pretty comforted by all the aid Boehner and his pals were giving him with obstructing Obama and trying to derail NATO's efforts to dislodge dreamy paramour Moammar.

Sounding astonishingly like a third-grader accused of liking a classmate of the opposite gender, Boehner spokesperson Brendan Buck sputtered, "If authentic, this incoherent letter only reinforces that Khadafy must go. There's no disagreement about that."  Sounding inauthentic and incoherent, Buck went on, "That's why so many Americans have questions - which the White House refuses to answer - about the Administration committing US resources to an operation that doesn't make his removal a goal."

Never mind that Obama said on March 3, "Moammar Khadafy has lost legitimacy to lead, and he must leave."

As soon as the President uttered those words, no Republican this side of John McCain and Lindsey Graham wanted anything to do with harming a hair on little Moammar's head.

Boehner personally crafted the bill passed through the House 268-145 June 3 which took Obama to task for green-lighting airstrikes against the Republicans' beau, and demanded the President answer 21 questions justifying the objectives, length, costs, and reasons for being so horrid to such a dreamy hunk as Moammar.

Now, Buck is flipping and flopping like a mackeral, trying to sound as though Boehner never, ever, pever, jever liked Moammar or thought he was the coolest dreamboat. Unless, of course, when Buck said Moammar "must go," he meant to the Iowa Caucuses, or, better yet, directly to Tampa, Florida for the 2012 Republican National Convention. Step aside Mitt, here comes a real hunk o,' hunk o' burnin' love.

Perhaps Republicans just have a hard time working out the whole America-is-our-side and the "Enemy"-is-the-other-side thing. It would go a long way toward explaining Sarah Palin's Paul-Revere-warning-the-British deal.

In fact, Boehner's resolution may have headed off embarassing passage of Rep. Dennis Kucinich's (D-OH) competing measure calling for the immediate withdrawal of US troops from the Libya intervention. Growing support of pacifist Kucinich's bill among anti-war libs, fiscal hawks, and Republicans eager to wipe Obama's eye alarmed Boehner and the more sober elements of the Republican leadership, prompting the hasty drafting of the bill that eventually garnered Khadafy's smooches.

The letter was addressed to the White House, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) who had acted like an icky shrew and voted, "No," on Boehner's aiding, comforting measure.

It was not known whether House Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) framed his copy, or decorated it with pink hearts and kisses and pressed it with dried flowers in his Memory Book.

It should come as no surprise to discover Republicans sit up at night under the bed covers with a flashlight swooning over mushy turtledove cooings with Moammar. After Khadafy blew Pan Am Flight 103 out of the sky over Lockerbie, Scotland, President George W. Bush declared the dictator was a bestest "friend" forever and a staunch bulwark against international terrorism.

While taunting the Speaker of the United States House of Representatives is generally unseemly and unacceptable:
Boehner and Moammar sitting in a tree,

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