Sunday, June 19, 2011

House GOP's Reply to Smoochie Khadafy: We'll Cut Libya Action Funds

The smoochie, smoochie love tome Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafy sent House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) has apparently set the Republican leader's heart all aflutter. Boehner and his moon-faced cohort in the House GOP caucus are falling over each other to protect their hunky beau from nasty President Barack Obama's evil campaign to to be mean and horrid to him. Boehner announced the House might vote this week to cut off funding America's role in NATO's Libya intervention.

"Congress has the power of the purse!" Boehner crowed, apparently fussing over which handbag matched his shoes. Boehner last week said the President had failed miserably answering the 21-question essay test Boehner had sent him demanding an explanation of the motives, costs, and legality of why everyone was being so awful to Boehner's dreamy hunk o,' hunk o' burning love.

Sunday marked 90 days since NATO began enforcing the U.N.-mandated no-fly zone over Libya, and America's involvement in the air campaign against Khadafy's forces. House Republicans have ostensibly been tussling over application of the 1973 War Powers Act, which arguably required that the President obtain a Congressional thumbs-up for continued hostilities, although most of the GOP reps seemed only to care about wiping Obama's eye.

Hearing of Boehner and the Republican's diligent efforts to obstruct Obama, Khadafy sent Congressional leaders and the White House a smoochie, smoochie love letter gushing, "I want to express my sincere gratitude for your thoughtful discussion of the issues," and that he was, "counting on the United States Congress to its continued investigation of  military activities of NATO and its allies to confirm what we believe is a clear violation of U.N. Security Council Resolution 1973."

Boehner, swaying to bird song, whined, "The White House says there are no hostilities taking place, yet we've got drone attacks under way!" Sounding alarmingly like a thirteen year old girl pursuing a forbidden love, Boehner stamped his feet, "Part of the mission is to drop bombs on Khadafy's compound!" Awful, awful bombs!

It was not immediately known whether Boehner then screamed that he hated President Obama, and flung himself on his bed to cry his eyes out.

Fellow Republican Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) was appalled. He told ABC's This Week, "If we had not intervened, Khadafy was at the gates of Benghazi. He said he was going to go house to house to kill everyone. That's a city of 700,000 people. What would we be saying now if we had allowed for that to happen?"

It was not known whether Boehner kicked and screamed, "I don't care! I love him! I love him!" and buried his face in a pillow, sobbing.

McCain's pal Lindsey Graham (R-SC) stepped up and announced sternly that he would have, "no part of any effort to defund" the Libya operation. "Congress should shut up and not empower Khadafy."

It was not known whether Boehner howled, "You always take his side!" and cried inconsolably while House Republicans stroked his head and glared at Graham.

Boehner had said disgraced Twitter exhibitionist Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) should go for showing women pictures of his wee-wee, but was apparently intent on shielding dreamboat Moammar, whose only crimes involved killing countless thousands, subjugating his country, and blowing Pan Am Flight 103 out of the sky over Lockerbie, Scotland.

After all, Khadafy was a billionaire oil mogul, and George W. Bush's valued ally in the War on Terror. Or Terra, as Bush always said, making much more sense grammatically. 

Graham and McCain have taken Republican presidential hopefuls to task for the field's dovish posture. On Afghanistan, Graham compared Mitt Romney to Jimmy Carter, the GOP equivalent of a third-grader saying a classmate's father was a member of the LGBTG community.

"We cannot move into an isolationist party," McCain railed. "We cannot repeat the lessons of the 1930s, when the United States of America stood by while bad things happened in the world."

On foreign policy matters, neither McCain or Graham appeared to back fellow Republicans' automatic opposition to Obama's actions. Many Republicans, especially from the Tea Party wing, have suddenly turned uncharacteristically dovish in the name of fiscal restraint, although none have countenanced meaningful revenue reform to deal with their supposed concerns over debt and deficit spending.

"So, the Congress of the United States should pass a resolution," McCain said.  "And, Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) and I have the resolution that's ready to go, that would comply with the War Powers Act."

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) stated he backed Obama on Libya, and that the War Powers Act did not apply to the US's limited role in the NATO operation. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) concurred, as did Defense Secretary Robert Gates, a Republican whose day job had been running the vaguely-monikered defense contractor Science Applications International Corporation. SAIC is the nation's ninth largest defense contractor, employing 44,000, and was a notable player among interventionist neo-cons in the run-up to the Iraq war.

It was not known whether Boehner locked himself into his room, screamed he hated everyone, and said he and Moammer were going to get married.

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